My Friends Do Not Enjoy My Guitar Playing

And I no longer enjoy cupcakes.

If Knight Rider Played Golf

This is the X1R Remote Caddie. It's a golf cart for your golf bag, for days when your golf bag is too lazy to walk. It does everything a normal golf pull cart does, except with less pulling on your part and more chasing, as it careens out of control, terrorizing small woodland creatures, and caddies its way into oncoming traffic. Seriously, watch this thing in action. It just rolls along on it's own and if it could talk, it would probably have a british accent, like K.I.T.T. A hilariously ridiculous waste of money and I can't wait to get one. Anybody have $2,000 I can borrow?

I Have Friends Of All Sizes

The Shoe Wagon

This is an Infiniti FX45. It's what they call a "luxury SUV". I used to want this car, because, well, I like luxury. And I like SUVs. It's just a beautifully designed car, and apparently, I can park it near giant military radar dishes if I wanted to.

Anyways, I just thought it was time for a new car, so I was looking forward to it. I even read the brochure--and I'm not a strong reader. But then I showed it to a friend of mine she said, "Oh, what a cute station wagon." I dismissed her silly comment and showed another friend. He said, "Well, I hope you enjoy driving your giant shoe."

Sometimes I hate having friends. Especially when they're right.

Austin Bands Are Good. Sometimes.

I like it here. Although the self-appointed title of Live Music Capital of the World gets annoying sometimes, (and honestly, it's not like my iPod is filled with music from Austin bands, either) there is a lot of live music here. Yes, a lot of it is kinda crappy. Or just trying too hard. Or just think they're great because they're in the Live Music Capital. Or maybe I'm just not adventurous (or cool) enough to discover the good ones. But every now and then, I'll accidentally stumble across something pretty good.

Voxtrot. They're from here. And they're not crappy. It's fun, catchy guitar rock, with a slightly Brit-pop sound. I've only heard a few songs, but check out "The Start of Something." It's a cool, snappy tune. Download it here, from their website, before they take it down. Click on the little, tiny music note icon by the name of the song. Turn up the volume. Hit play. Tap your toes. Think of Austin. But please don't move here. The traffic is terrible.

Things I Said At Work Today That I Probably Won't Say Again This Week.

1. Is the cheese getting in the way?

2. I was not in the Goonies.

3. I like the word 'supple'.

4. Let me squeeze this out real fast.

5. My hobo shoes are cracked.

6. You're not the boss of me. (to my actual boss)

7. It smells like man-love in there.

8. Did that thing with my index finger where i draw quick little circles in the air, indicating that someone should Wrap It Up. (while technically not something I "said", it was probably kinda rude, and I hope to not do that again.)

9. This is fun.

Good friends of mine are getting married soon. Well, not soon, but soonish. They're nice, friendly midwestern folks and this is their Save-The-Date card that they asked me to design. They said if I did it, they'd invite me to the wedding and I could have cake. And I do enjoy cake.

DWELL Pet House

If I had a dog, I would spoil the crap out of him by buying him a house of his very own, like this thing, designed by some guys named Otis & Claude. Fancy designers that make normal everyday things cooler--and thus, more expensive. But still, neat design and interesting materials. In fact, much nicer than the full-sized house that I'm living in. My only reservation about getting one is that it sorta looks like a tiny confessional booth. Which is ok, I guess, but I probably won't raise my dog Catholic. Check out more moderney stuff here.

Things You Should Not Substitute For Whipped Cream During Sex, Even If You Are Out Of Whipped Cream.

(An excerpt from McSweeney's that I didn't write, but agree with.)

• Mayonnaise
• Sour Cream
• Cottage Cheese
• Cream Cheese
• Almond-encrusted port-wine cheese ball
• Gravy
• Very Hot Tea
• Rock Cornish Game Hens
• Paper Clips

DooDoodles

Have you ever wondered what superheroes do when they're at home? When they're not fighting crime? Me neither. But apparently, this guy, James C. Strouse, has. He's got a set of hand-drawn postcards called Superheroes On The Toilet that depict all sorts of, well...superheroes on the toilet. Disgusting and hilarious. I'm gonna buy some and hang them in my bathroom, because I am immature and toilet humor will never get old.

Matt Costa

Check out Matt Costa. Talented little dude from Huntington Beach, CA. His stuff is folky, poppy, rocky and, on a few songs, countryie. Just an acoustic guitar and an interesting voice. Think Jack Johnson, only a little louder and less sleepy. There are bouncy, toe-tappin' songs ("Cold December"), as well as somber, booze-fueled-sadness-kind of songs, too ("These Arms"). But overall, much less depressing than the stuff I usually listen to. I dunno. I like it. Maybe you will, too.